Classmate responses

Guided Response: Respond to at least two of your classmates by Day 5 to stimulate more meaningful and interactive discourse in the discussion forum. In addition, respond to classmates (and/or the instructor, if applicable) who replied to your initial post by Day 7. Your responses must demonstrate a sophisticated understanding or application of the concepts covered in Week 3.

At least two of your responses should be a minimum of 150 words each.

The following general suggestions may be useful as you craft your replies:

Ask clarifying or thought provoking questions.
Provide personal or professional examples that further illustrate relevant social psychological concepts identified in your classmate’s post.
Supply additional information that might influence your classmate’s interpretation. For example, recommend resources that further support their position or identify possible alternative explanations.
Relate the content in your classmate’s post to that of your own or another classmate’s initial contribution to this discussion.

Christy Styles:
Dear Ann, I am sorry for the position that you may feel that you are in because your friend will not leave their abusive relationship that he or she should be out of. There are many reasons and factors to why some people such as your friend has found themselves in. Those that are in an abusive relationship at times do not even realize that they are in one until it is too late. There is a cycle that forms from the abuser. Some would refer the cycle to the honeymoon stage. I would also want to inform you that the abuser seeks out its prey, the weak, and the easily manipulated person(s). Once the predator finds his or her victim, the cycle begins. It starts with a choke, progresses to a slap, and continues on to being slammed, to being physically punched. Most abusers tend to beat the person in a way in which no one can see the bruises. Hidden marks that can only be seen if one walks in on them naked. The honeymoon cycle is what keeps the victim thinking that the abuser is going to change their ways and behavior towards them. The abuser buys them gifts and treats them like gold to lure them back in. A few months at the most, he or she is right back doing the same thing that they have gotten away with. The victim is terrified most of the time and running away if caught by the supposed loved one can be detrimental to their lives. It is not that they do not want to leave it is that they are afraid of the person. Most people view the abuser as a stand-up guy, intelligent, good-looking, a provider but the abused knows the monster. Along with being physically abused most are mental abused as well. Your friend probably at this stage does not feel that they can find love anywhere else. The shame that comes along with being abused if far more worse at times than being physically beaten. I hope that you find it in your heart to continue to be a friend and to continue to inform her of her worth. So many victims face the road by themselves because people get tired of the repetitious cycle of them going back. Please know that it is harder than what you think. Your friend has trust issues and the fear of failure if he or she decides to leave can be overwhelming. Knowing that your friend will have a shoulder to cry on is one of the most important things that he or she may have at this time. Please do not turn your back on her. Continue to encourage him or her to go to counseling so that he or she will not carry this weight alone. Your friend is most likely terrified that if he or she were to fail at leaving that they will be just what the abuser has told them. “YOU ARE NOTHING,” “WHO IS GOING TO WANT YOU ANYWAY,” so please think of these words as if they were said to you over an extended period of time. It is true that most people believe in what their loved ones has put into their minds. The words of course are not factual but if the abuser wants to keep their hold on to someone they will use all that they have to keep that person in their grasp. I hope this information has helped you deal with your friend in a better way. I also hope that your friend can find the help that they need to get out of the abusive relationship that they are in. Life is too short to stay in a place where the right kind of love does not exist.

Laci Ocker:
Hello Ann,

Regarding your question, “Is my relationship at risk of divorce?”, I would first like to say I am sorry to see that you are searching for such information. It clearly means you are having troubles within your relationship (which is difficult in many ways) yet is not uncommon. The fact that you are searching for answers means that there is a chance your marriage is safe and can be saved. I hope the following information will help.

Unfortunately, many couples “sweep their issues under the rug”. When ignoring issues couples tend to become distant because of the issue itself. Couple will both consciously and subconsciously use avoidance as a tool. The avoidance increases distance and further creates problems within the marriage (Mikucki-Enyart, et. al., 2017). Clinical studies have been conducted and ultimately concluded that there are warning signs associated with troubled marriages. Are you arguing about the same issues repeatedly? Do you feel you are not good enough of lack the ability to express yourself to your partner? Is your spouse a priority? Do you have intimacy issues within your marriage? If your answered yes to any of these questions there is hope in saving your marriage. As previously stated, avoidance results in distance. If your answer to any of the questions listed above your relationship is at risk however, is savable.

A modified, discovery-oriented task analysis was conducted to explain what therapist interventions and client emotional processes are involved in successful withdrawer re-engagement in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT). EFT is an empirically validated approach to treating couples. Withdrawer re-engagement is seen as a key element of the change process. EFT has been successful when used as a method of change in marriage counseling (Lee, et. al., 2017).

When facing marital issues couples need to focus on conflict resolution. Practice resolving conflicts as they arise. Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy your relationship. Experiencing conflict is inevitable and couples who strive to avoid it are at risk of developing stagnant relationships. Take responsibility for your part in a dispute. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner as it will only create more issues (Rahman Berdi, et. al., 2018). The best way to create a relationship built on love, trust, and intimacy is to take responsibility for your own actions and to practice acceptance and compassion for your partner. The truth is that all couples have problems, even the ones who seem like a perfect match. The thing to keep in mind is that realistic expectations and “damage control” can keep resentment from building and can prevent serious relationship problems (Zimmerman, 2016).

Ultimately, I suggest that you contact a Marriage Counselor. Being that you are facing issues in your marriage it is important during this time to boost physical affection and sex. According to author Dr. Floyd, physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. Studies show that it’s released during sexual orgasm and affectionate touch as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones. It is also vial for you to show affection and admiration for your partner. Being that you are having marital issues it can be hard to nurture your partner and show them affection while feeling as you do (that your marriage is going to fail). Counseling is a safe space and a neutral ground and both parties are able to express themselves in a controlled environment (Lee, et. al., 2017).

Again, I hope this information is helpful and I wish you the best!

Laci

 
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